dnguyen92:

When somebody gives us a box of darkness, it’s easy to get lost in feeling wounded and wronged as we direct a lot of energy and anger in the direction of the person/s and situation/s we feel wronged by… which usually makes one end up feeling like they are a stuck tiring spinning fruitlessly in the mud as that waste of energy only gets them stuck deeper and ultimately hurts their own heart. Bitterness will soon become an infesting weed that prevents them from the growth they need in their own garden.

We would be much better served by simply tending to the wound than wasting energy further wounding. By tending to our own hearts with restoration and care and allowing them to grow into the beautiful gardens they are meant to be. By releasing any thoughts, hurts, systems, individuals, situations, or beliefs- as often as one needs- that do not help serve, grow, or tend our gardens. By transforming hurt into compassion. By changing our relationship to the things we cannot change. By loving ourselves enough to choose care of self over nurturing bitterness towards another. 

We can only be responsible for ourselves… our hearts and happiness are at stake. That is worth continuing to let go of that which we cannot change and lovingly working on that which we can change- our self. ♥

BethAnne Kapansky Clary

thelastjohnn:

What’s truly upsetting is that I can drop anything and everything for someone important to me but they can’t do it for me.

It really gets to me. They may not mean any harm but I’ve grown up being taken for granted on an innumerable amount of occasions that that’s how I normally feel when I make sacrifices that I expect to be reciprocated or compensated and only to be given nothing but apologies and excuses. It happens too often. That this is one factor as to why I sometimes feel inadequate. 

:/

You’ve asked me numerous times, why am I so heartless? You really wanna know why? But the answer that I’m going to give you it will be really hard for you to understand because you never went through the same as I did. Or you just have a naive mind where you just don’t get it. 

The reason why I am like this, is because I’ve been hurt a lot in the past emotionally and physically. I’ve been stepped on, backstabbed, used, taken for granted, unappreciated, heartbroken, ignored. Now tell me, have you ever experience all of this? even all at once to the point where you have no one to run too but yourself and tell yourself that you know what fuck it, I’m done. 

It hurts, knowing that I have to go through all that. I look at myself now that I’m in a better shape than I was back then. Emotionally wise. I made myself even stronger to the point where I don’t care anymore. If a friend tries to do something that can possibly hurt me. I will go on defense mode and shut you out and put you in your worse. Not physically but emotionally wise. if It happened in the past, I won’t let the second time happen in the future.

Till this day i reminisce all the things, the memories that has happened in the past and try to to forget it and move on from it. Forgiving myself for i can just let it go. but right now, One thing that keeps holding me back is my father.. There so many things I want to know about him. It’s been almost ten years.. and that image where I first saw him again dead lingers me till this day.. during his viewing I was all by myself in the front seat, crying to myself asking why, why, why did you have to go as if I was a helpless child. *sighs*

Imma end this story here.. 

but hopefully, if you do ever come across my blog you’ll see why I’m heartless at times.. 

-Jay